dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
