You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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