its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
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I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
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He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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