I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
