just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
