FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
