i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
