Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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