From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Pants are for mortals
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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