Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
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Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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