It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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