Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
