it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
