I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
