you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
