im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
