Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
