He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
