remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
