He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
