hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
