What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
