she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
