All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize