Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
