if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
