last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
