white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just want nice things and good sex
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
