At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
