Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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