I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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