After last night, I could never be a politician.
why do cheetos always look like penises
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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