this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
