We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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