im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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