Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
