Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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