How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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