woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
