Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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