John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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