Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
