i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
