That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
