at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
