i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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