is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
