My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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