I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
