nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.