Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
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The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?