I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.