I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
