oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
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Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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