she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
