so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
