Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
