Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Your dad touched me again.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
