So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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