My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
