Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
