she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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