just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
