So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
