my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
