Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
