from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
