i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
