you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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