you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
